The Neuroscience Behind Love as a Daily Choice

Love in long-term relationships is often described as an ongoing commitment, a daily decision: to nurture and cultivate a bond. This concept is backed by neuroscience, which reveals that while hormones like oxytocin and dopamine play a crucial role in the early stages of love, maintaining a loving relationship requires conscious effort and mindful actions.

Understanding the Role of Hormones

In the initial stages of love, hormones can make us feel euphoric and deeply connected to our partners. Oxytocin, often referred to as the "love hormone," promotes bonding, while dopamine triggers pleasure and reward centers in the brain. However, as relationships mature, these hormones alone are not enough to sustain the connection. Elizabeth Earnshaw, a licensed marriage and family therapist, explains that lasting love requires deliberate and thoughtful decisions:

Love: A Conscious Choice for Mental and Emotional Well-being

To keep love alive, actions are required, particularly those that foster communication, trust, intimacy, and emotional security. This is where the real work begins.

Daily choices in how we interact with our partners can determine the longevity and depth of our relationships. These choices include:

• Effective Communication

  Open and honest communication is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship.

• Building Trust

  Consistency and reliability are key to establishing and maintaining trust.

• Emotional Security

  Providing a safe space for your partner to express their feelings without judgment.

The Science of Emotional Intimacy

Emotional intimacy goes beyond physical attraction. It involves a deep connection nurtured through shared experiences, empathy, and mutual respect. A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships highlights the importance of emotional intimacy in long-term relationship satisfaction. This connection is built through mindful actions and a genuine understanding of each other's needs.

This tends to…

What is Emotional Contagion?

Emotional contagion is where one person's emotions and related behaviours directly trigger similar emotions and behaviours in others. Much like a physical virus, emotions can spread rapidly within groups, influencing individuals' moods and actions without conscious awareness. This process plays a significant role in social interactions, affecting everything from personal relationships to workplace dynamics.

The Science Behind Emotional Contagion

Emotional contagion is deeply rooted in our biology. Neuroscientific research points to mirror neurones, which are brain cells that activate when we perform an action and when we observe others performing the same action. These neurones help us empathise with others and understand their emotions by mirroring their feelings in our brains.

Key Mechanisms:

1. Mirror Neurones: Facilitate empathy by mirroring observed emotions.

2. Nonverbal Cues: Facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice play critical roles in transmitting emotions.

3. Social Synchrony: People tend to subconsciously mimic the emotions and behaviours of those around them to develop social cohesion.

Examples of Emotional Contagion

Emotional contagion can manifest in various settings and forms:

• Personal Relationships: 

  In close relationships, such as between partners or family members, one person’s mood can significantly influence the others. For instance, spending time with a joyful person can elevate your mood, while being around someone anxious can increase your anxiety levels.

• Workplace Dynamics: 

  In professional environments, the emotional tone set by leaders can permeate the entire team. A motivated and positive leader can boost team morale and productivity, whereas a stressed leader can contribute to a tense and unproductive atmosphere.

• Social Media: 

  Emotions can spread rapidly through social networks. Positive or negative posts can influence friends’ and followers’ emotions, creating a ripple effect (either positive or negative, such as anger or hatred).

The Impact of Emotional Contagion on Mental Health

Emotional contagion has significant implications for mental health. Constant exposure to negative emotions can lead to increased stress, anxiety, and even depression. Conversely, being surrounded by positive emotions can enhance well-being and happiness.

Positive Effects:

• Improved Mood: Positive interactions can elevate mood and increase feelings of happiness.

• Increased Social Bonding: Sharing positive emotions strengthens social bonds and fosters a sense of community.

• Enhanced Resilience: Positive emotional contagion can build resilience, helping individuals cope with stress more effectively.

Negative Effects:

• Heightened Stress: Exposure to others' stress can increase your stress levels.

• Anxiety and Depression: Chronic exposure to negative emotions can contribute to the development of anxiety and depressive disorders.

• Burnout: In professional settings, emotional contagion can lead to burnout, especially in high-stress environments.

Managing Emotional Contagion

Here are some strategies:

1. Mindfulness

   Practising mindfulness can help you become more aware of your emotional state and prevent negative emotions from taking over.

2. Positive Social Interactions

   Surround yourself with positive, supportive people who uplift your mood.

3. Emotional Boundaries

   Establish boundaries to protect yourself from absorbing negative emotions, especially in high-stress environments. This is as important in a relationship (distancing yourself when your partner needs space to manage their emotions) or at work (you cannot be creative in an environment filled with negativity or relentlessly receive unproductive criticism).

4. Self-Care

   Engage in activities that promote relaxation and well-being, such as exercise, meditation, and hobbies.

5. Professional Support

   Seek support from mental health professionals if you find it challenging to manage the impact of emotional contagion.

Tips for Choosing Love Daily

1. Show Gratitude Regularly 

   Practising gratitude can significantly enhance your relationship. Acknowledge the small things your partner does and express appreciation to boost their morale and strengthen your bond.

2. Express Affection Consistently 

   Physical touch, thoughtful gestures, and words of affirmation can keep the spark alive. Even small actions, like leaving a note or preparing a favourite meal, can make a big difference.

3. Appreciate Your Partner's Qualities 

   Focus on what makes your partner unique and special. Compliment their strengths and acknowledge their efforts, thus developing a positive and supportive environment.

4. Prioritise Self-Care 

   Taking care of yourself is essential for a healthy relationship. Engage in activities that promote your well-being, such as regular exercise, a balanced diet, and mindfulness practices (leading by example), which sets a positive example for your partner.

What Has Love Got to Do with Mental Health?

The answer is simple: We often hear “How can we love somebody else, if we don’t love ourselves first?”

This is very pertinent when we approach trauma and people unable to balance their emotions, finding it difficult not to be so harsh on themselves, even to the point of self-hatred and/or self-harm.

So, if love is a choice we make every day, wouldn't it be as easy to decide to be happy?

This could start with gratefulness and mindfulness.

Understanding Gratefulness and Mindfulness

• Gratefulness is the quality of being thankful and appreciating what you have. It’s about recognizing the positive aspects of life and expressing gratitude for them.

• Mindfulness is being fully present and engaged in the moment, aware of your thoughts and feelings without distraction or judgment. It involves paying attention to the present experience with openness and curiosity.

Why Are They Essential for Mental Health and Overall Health?

Gratefulness and mindfulness are essential for mental health and overall well-being for several reasons:

1. Reducing Stress and Anxiety 

   Practising gratefulness and mindfulness can significantly reduce stress and anxiety. By focusing on the positive and staying present, you can mitigate the effects of stressors and promote a sense of calm and peace.

2. Enhancing Emotional Regulation 

   Mindfulness helps you become more aware of your emotions and how to manage them effectively. This can lead to better emotional regulation and a more balanced emotional state.

3. Improving Relationships 

   Both practices encourage a positive outlook and empathy, which can improve your relationships. Being grateful for your partner and mindful of their needs can strengthen your bond and improve communication.

4. Boosting Mental Resilience 

   Gratefulness fosters a positive mindset to help you bounce back from challenges more easily. Mindfulness equips you with tools to handle difficult emotions and situations, becoming more resilient.

5. Promoting Physical Health 

   Research has shown that gratefulness and mindfulness positively impact your physical health. They can lower blood pressure, improve sleep quality, and enhance overall physical well-being.

Incorporating gratefulness and mindfulness into your daily life can lead to a happier, healthier, and more fulfilling life. By choosing love and practising these principles, you can create a strong foundation for lasting relationships and personal well-being.

Tip

Before helping others, place the mask over your head and breathe normally. This is a complete part of safety when travelling by air.

How does this relate to loving others?

We are made of energy and emanate energy, either positive or negative. People (as we do) can sense that energy. When we are unhappy or upset, it is easy to “feel” it.

So loving ourselves first is key to long-lasting relationships. In the same way, you practice mindfulness and gratefulness, you start by changing your mindset. You need to actively want to appreciate things for it to become a habit.

By learning to love yourself a little more each day, you can develop the muscles in your mind to love other things and others, until you radiate love and positive vibes.

Loving yourself is not an easy task when you have spent most of your life hating yourself. There are many tips and solutions, but it starts with being authentic and living according to core values and beliefs.

How to do this?

Conclusion

Love is not just a fleeting emotion driven by hormones; it is a conscious choice that requires daily effort and mindful actions. By practising gratitude, mindfulness, and self-care, you can cultivate a strong, enduring relationship that positively impacts your mental and emotional well-being. Remember, love is a verb, and the actions you take each day shape the strength and longevity of your bond.

Embrace the journey of choosing love every day… Especially yourself.

References:

Baker, LR. McNulty, JK. VanderDrift, LE. (2017). Expectations for future relationship satisfaction: Unique sources and critical implications for commitment. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General. 146(5), pp. 700–721. doi:10.1037/xge0000299

Barsade SG. (2002). The ripple effect: Emotional contagion and its influence on group behaviour. Administrative Science Quarterly. 47, pp. 644–675.

Ben-Naim, S. Hirschberger, G. Ein-Dor, T. et al. (2013). An experimental study of emotion regulation during relationship conflict interactions: The moderating role of attachment orientations. Emotion. 13(3), pp. 506-519. doi:10.1037/a0031473

Bühler, JL. Krauss, S. Orth, U. (2021). Development of relationship satisfaction across the life span: A systematic review and meta-analysis.Psychological Bulletin. 147(10), pp. 1012–1053. doi:10.1037/bul0000342

Butler, EA. Egloff, B. Wilhelm, FH. et al. (2003). The social consequences of expressive suppression. Emotion. 3(1), pp. 48-67. doi:10.1037/1528-3542.3.1.48

Butler, EA. Gross, JJ. Barnard, K. (2014). Testing the effects of suppression and reappraisal on emotional concordance using a multivariate multilevel model. Biological Psychology. 98, pp. 6-18. doi:10.1016/j.biopsycho.2013.09.003

Carter, CS. Porges, SW. (2013). The biochemistry of love: An oxytocin hypothesis. EMBO Reports. 14(1), pp. 12-16. doi:10.1038/embor.2012.191

Doherty, RW. (1997). The emotional contagion scale: A measure of individual differences. Journal of Nonverbal Behavior. 21, pp. 131–154.

Elfenbein, HA. (2014). The many faces of emotional contagion: An affective process theory of affective linkage. Organizational Psychology Review. 4, pp. 326–362.

English, T. John OP. (2013). Understanding the social effects of emotion regulation: The mediating role of authenticity for individual differences in suppression. Emotion. 13(2), pp. 314-329. doi:10.1037/a0029847.

English, T. John OP. Srivastava, S. et al. (2012). Emotion regulation and peer-rated social functioning: A four-year longitudinal study. Journal of Research in Personality. 46(6), pp. 780-784. doi:10.1016/j.jrp.2012.09.006

Fisher, HE. (1998). Lust attraction and attachment in mammalian reproduction. Human Nature. 9(1), pp. 23-52. Available at: https://www.helenfisher.com/downloads/articles/10lustattraction.pdf

Gross, JJ. (2002). Emotion regulation: Affective, cognitive, and social consequences. Psychophysiology. 39(3), pp. 281-91. doi:10.1017/s0048577201393198

Gross, JJ. John, OP. (2003). Individual differences in two emotion regulation processes: Implications for affect, relationships, and well-being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 85(2), pp. 348-362. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.85.2.348

Hatfield, E. Bensman, L. Thornton, PD. et al. (2014). New perspectives on emotional contagion: A review of classic and recent research on facial mimicry and contagion. Interpersona. 8, 159.

Impett, EA. Kogan, A. English, T. et al. (2012). Suppression sours sacrifice: Emotional and relational costs of suppressing emotions in romantic relationships. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. 38(6), pp. 707-720. doi:10.1177/0146167212437249

John, OP. Gross JJ. (2004). Healthy and unhealthy emotion regulation: personality processes, individual differences, and life span development. Journal of Personality. 72(6), pp. 1301-1333. doi:10.1111/j.1467-6494.2004.00298.x

Kafetsios, K. Loumakou, M. (2007). A comparative evaluation of the effects of trait emotional intelligence and emotion regulation on affect at work and job satisfaction. International Journal of Work Organization and Emotion. 2, pp. 71–87.

Klein, SR. Renshaw, KD. Curby, TW. (2016). Emotion regulation and perceptions of hostile and constructive criticism in romantic relationships. Behaviorial Therapy. 47(2), pp. 143-54. doi:10.1016/j.beth.2015.10.007

Lam, S. Dickerson, SS. Zoccola, PM. et al. (2009). Emotion regulation and cortisol reactivity to a social-evaluative speech task. Psychoneuroendocrinology. 34(9), pp. 1355-1362. doi:10.1016/j.psyneuen.2009.04.006

Mauersberger, H. Blaison, C. Kafetsios, K. et al. (2015). Individual differences in emotional mimicry: Underlying traits and social consequences. European Journal of Personality. 29, pp. 512–529.

Mauss, IB. Cook, CL. Cheng, JY. et al. (2007). Individual differences in cognitive reappraisal: Experiential and physiological responses to an anger provocation. International Journal of Psychophysiology. 66(2), pp. 116-124. doi:10.1016/j.ijpsycho.2007.03.017

Mazzuca, S. Kafetsios, K. Livi, S. et al. (2019). Emotion regulation and satisfaction in long-term marital relationships: The role of emotional contagion. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. 36(9), pp. 2880-2895. doi:10.1177/0265407518804452

Mikolajczak, M. Roy, E. Luminet, O. et al. (2007). The moderating impact of emotional intelligence on free cortisol responses to stress. Psychoneuroendocrinology. 32(8-10), pp. 1000-1012. doi:10.1016/j.psyneuen.2007.07.009

Mroczek, DK. Kolarz, CM. (1998). The effect of age on positive and negative affect: a developmental perspective on happiness. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 75(5), pp. 1333-1349. doi:10.1037//0022-3514.75.5.1333

Norton, R. (1983). Measuring marital quality: A critical look at the dependent variable. Journal of Marriage and the Family. 45, pp. 141–151.

Richards, JM. Butler EA. Gross JJ. (2003). Emotion regulation in romantic relationships: The cognitive consequences of concealing feelings. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. 20, pp. 599–620.

Righetti, F. Faure, R. Zoppolat, G. et al. (2022). Factors that contribute to the maintenance or decline of relationship satisfaction. Nature Reviews Psychology. 1, pp. 161–173. doi:10.1038/s44159-022-00026-2

Randall, AK. Bodenmann , G. (2017). Stress and its associations with relationship satisfaction. Current Opinion in Psychology. 13, pp. 96-106

Tobore, TO. (2020). Towards a comprehensive theory of love: The Quadruple Theory. Frontiers in Psychology. 11, 862. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2020.00862

Vater, A. Schröder-Abé, M. (2015). Explaining the link between personality and relationship satisfaction: Emotion regulation and interpersonal behaviour in conflict discussions. European Journal of Personality. 29, pp. 201–215.

Velotti, P. Balzarotti S. Tagliabue S. et al. (2016). Emotional suppression in early marriage: Actor, partner, and similarity effects on marital quality. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. 33, pp. 277–302.