Are you your biggest fan?
Being understanding and encouraging yourself to become the best you can be while learning from all experiences, good or bad, can help you unlock all the chapters of your life. Look at it as a video game. You can only progress to the next level if you have beaten the “boss” level or your biggest adversary (in life, it is often you!).
It doesn’t matter who you are, or where you come from. You alone hold the key to your future and success. If you don't believe in yourself, how do you expect others to believe in you?
Why would you expect people to encourage you to be the best you if you alone always talk yourself down, or use negative inner chatter to clip your wings?
Changing the conversation is already a great start. Never ever let your mind speak to you in a way you would never allow anyone else to speak to you. Re-examine your thoughts and where they come from, and rewrite the narrative. Your mind can either be your biggest inner-saboteur or your biggest fan, depending on the conversation.
A learning practice
The more effort and energy you create to be more compassionate and encouraging of yourself to better yourself and grow, the easier it becomes an automatism. Success is often the biggest motivation in life (you think positively and the wind is lifting you to new heights). Indeed, self-encouragement is effortless when good things come your way. But, when it starts to go wrong, how is it affecting you? Who are “you” when you encounter problems at work, at home (e.g., relationships), and all of life's ups and downs?
Lifting yourself up and out of disappointment or failure is possible once you’ve trained your heart and mind to work together on learning from the experience and seeing the good in all — no matter the situation.
If you are already familiar with mindfulness, then this should come very easily for you. The process begins by noticing how you react to certain events and conversations, and uncovering the triggers (if you don’t know those yet).
Remember the brain is hooked on survival and any previous experiences. Thus, the coping mechanisms you may have (or not) developed over time, and the way you speak to yourself are two factors that are involved in your resilience and the direction of self-talk. The way you use to speak to yourself is either positive (encouraging) or negative (are you feeling like a victim, avoiding responsibility for your thoughts and actions; are you telling yourself that it was meant to be because you are a failure, that you won’t achieve much in your life, that you do not deserve to be happy — are those your thoughts or the narrative that was thrown at you as you were growing up?).
Become your own teacher. Be the encouraging teacher, letting you use your strength and improve the areas where you may have shortcomings. You cannot improve if you constantly speak to yourself in a negative way.
For growth, you need to establish where you are, and what are your shortcomings and give yourself plenty of space and opportunity to grow. A plant can only grow if it is exposed to sunlight and receives a steady flow of water and nutrients. Most plants do not grow in the dark, and may even lose vitality without water or ‘food’.
Most importantly, plants do not grow if they are exposed to negative energy and talk.
“You cannot improve if you constantly speak to yourself in a negative way.”
10 tips to self-encouragement:
When your thoughts start to race, learn to be present. Understand where they come from but don’t judge them (or yourself), recognise them for what they are and discard them if they are not supporting your current state.
Believing in yourself is crucial to achieving success and reaching personal goals. Often, we seek validation and encouragement from others, but it's important to remember that you can become our biggest fan and source of motivation. Here are some tips and ideas to help you be more encouraging and believe in yourself.
Practice gratitude. Make it a daily automatism, especially before a meal (to help you break from a state of hyperactivity to a state of total relaxation, necessary to promote digestive function) and before bed, so you can sleep better and deeper.
Focus on your strengths. It's easy to get caught up in your weaknesses and shortcomings, but focusing on your strengths can help you build confidence and believe in yourself. Make a list of your accomplishments and skills, and remind yourself of them regularly. This can help you see your potential and capabilities. Affirmations are a great way to help you get started.[1]
Practice Self-Compassion. Are you harder on yourself than others? Give yourself the same care and kindness you give to others. Speak to yourself as you would to a dear friend.
Practice positive self-talk. The way you talk to yourself can greatly impact your self-esteem and confidence. Instead of criticising yourself for mistakes, try to reframe them as opportunities for growth and learning. Again, use positive affirmations to reinforce your beliefs in your abilities and potential.
Set achievable goals. Setting goals can help you stay motivated and focused. However, it's important to set realistic and achievable goals to avoid feeling discouraged. Breaking down larger goals into smaller, manageable tasks and celebrating each accomplishment along the way is key to self-growth and self-encouragement.
Surround yourself with positivity. Surrounding yourself with positive people and environments can help boost your self-esteem and self-belief. Avoid negative influences and seek out those who encourage and support you. As you reward others with positive words and gifts, do the same for yourself as part of the process of self-encouragement.
In the same way, encourage Others. By doing so, you can counter the habit of learned negativity — when you take a moment to compliment and support others.
Practice self-care. Taking care of yourself physically and mentally can also help boost your self-confidence and resilience. The inconveniences of life won’t be so hard to handle. This can include getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, exercising regularly, and taking time for hobbies and activities you enjoy. Taking small breaks during the day to be present (and gauge how you feel) is essential to keep control of your thoughts and emotions, and staying positive. It is difficult to think positively when exhausted (mentally or physically).
Embrace the experience. Fear of failure can hold you back from pursuing your goals and believing in yourself. However, failure is a natural part of the learning process and can help you grow and improve. Embrace failure as an opportunity for growth and learning, and use it to fuel your determination and motivation. Learn from your mistakes. Talking to yourself in a very negative (or harsh) way will only reinforce the idea that you are a failure. You are not a failure, you failed. You are not your failure. You are the result of your growth. So don’t let anything prevent you to grow, not even yourself. Be the master of your thoughts. It requires constant work, so make it an automatism.
Visualise success. Visualising success can help you achieve more. Take time to imagine yourself achieving your goals and experiencing feelings of accomplishment and success. This can help motivate you and give you a clearer sense of direction. Use all of your senses. What do you see — a cheering crowd? Drinking a glass of champagne seating in a first-class seat? What do you feel — the sun on your skin? What does it taste like? What do you hear? Make the picture as vivid as you possibly can. It should give you goosebumps…. Use this feeling to fuel your endeavour to get there.
Believing in yourself is crucial for achieving success and reaching personal goals. By focusing on your strengths, practising positive self-talk, setting achievable goals, surrounding yourself with positivity, practising self-care, embracing failure, and visualizing success, you can be your biggest fan and source of motivation.
Remember, with determination and belief in yourself, anything is possible.
A simple act of speaking up and asking for help from those you know and trust goes a long way. It also gives you another perspective to see from.
Recommended reading:
1. Sanchez, O. (2021). Restoring harmony. Energise - 30 Days to Vitality. Nutrunity Publishing: London. pp. 241-268.