Love is a Choice You Make Every Day: Why Does it Matter?
The Neuroscience Behind Love as a Daily Choice
Love in long-term relationships is often described as an ongoing commitment, a daily decision: to nurture and cultivate a bond. This concept is backed by neuroscience, which reveals that while hormones like oxytocin and dopamine play a crucial role in the early stages of love, maintaining a loving relationship requires conscious effort and mindful actions.
Understanding the Role of Hormones
In the initial stages of love, hormones can make us feel euphoric and deeply connected to our partners. Oxytocin, often referred to as the "love hormone," promotes bonding, while dopamine triggers pleasure and reward centers in the brain. However, as relationships mature, these hormones alone are not enough to sustain the connection. Elizabeth Earnshaw, a licensed marriage and family therapist, explains that lasting love requires deliberate and thoughtful decisions:
“As your relationship grows, your hormones will no longer be the driver of the feelings. This means you need to be the driver of the feelings. You do this by actively choosing to be a loving partner.”
Love: A Conscious Choice for Mental and Emotional Well-being
Do you decide it will last forever, or do you make it happen, working on your relationship, commitments and choices every day?
To keep love alive, actions are required, particularly those that foster communication, trust, intimacy, and emotional security. This is where the real work begins.
Daily choices in how we interact with our partners can determine the longevity and depth of our relationships. These choices include:
Effective Communication
Open and honest communication is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship.
Building Trust
Consistency and reliability are key to establishing and maintaining trust.
Emotional Security
Providing a safe space for your partner to express their feelings without judgment.
The Science of Emotional Intimacy
Emotional intimacy goes beyond physical attraction. It involves a deep connection nurtured through shared experiences, empathy, and mutual respect. A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships highlights the importance of emotional intimacy in long-term relationship satisfaction. This connection is built through mindful actions and a genuine understanding of each other's needs.
This tends to…
“Indicate that both automatic emotion regulation and controlled emotional contagion processes have independent and conjoint effects on marital satisfaction in long-wed couples and, to an extent, coincide in attempts to synchronise couples’ emotional linkage. The results point to intrapersonal and interpersonal mechanisms in the regulation of emotion in longer term marital relationships.”
What is Emotional Contagion?
Emotional contagion is where one person's emotions and related behaviours directly trigger similar emotions and behaviours in others. Much like a physical virus, emotions can spread rapidly within groups, influencing individuals' moods and actions without conscious awareness. This process plays a significant role in social interactions, affecting everything from personal relationships to workplace dynamics.
The Science Behind Emotional Contagion
Emotional contagion is deeply rooted in our biology. Neuroscientific research points to mirror neurones, which are brain cells that activate when we perform an action and when we observe others performing the same action. These neurones help us empathise with others and understand their emotions by mirroring their feelings in our brains.
Key Mechanisms:
Mirror Neurones: Facilitate empathy by mirroring observed emotions.
Nonverbal Cues: Facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice play critical roles in transmitting emotions.
Social Synchrony: People tend to subconsciously mimic the emotions and behaviours of those around them to develop social cohesion.
Examples of Emotional Contagion
Emotional contagion can manifest in various settings and forms:
Personal Relationships:
In close relationships, such as between partners or family members, one person’s mood can significantly influence the others. For instance, spending time with a joyful person can elevate your mood, while being around someone anxious can increase your anxiety levels.
Workplace Dynamics:
In professional environments, the emotional tone set by leaders can permeate the entire team. A motivated and positive leader can boost team morale and productivity, whereas a stressed leader can contribute to a tense and unproductive atmosphere.
Social Media:
Emotions can spread rapidly through social networks. Positive or negative posts can influence friends’ and followers’ emotions, creating a ripple effect (either positive or negative, such as anger or hatred).
The Impact of Emotional Contagion on Mental Health
Emotional contagion has significant implications for mental health. Constant exposure to negative emotions can lead to increased stress, anxiety, and even depression. Conversely, being surrounded by positive emotions can enhance well-being and happiness.
Positive Effects:
Improved Mood: Positive interactions can elevate mood and increase feelings of happiness.
Increased Social Bonding: Sharing positive emotions strengthens social bonds and fosters a sense of community.
Enhanced Resilience: Positive emotional contagion can build resilience, helping individuals cope with stress more effectively.
Negative Effects:
Heightened Stress: Exposure to others' stress can increase your stress levels.
Anxiety and Depression: Chronic exposure to negative emotions can contribute to the development of anxiety and depressive disorders.
Burnout: In professional settings, emotional contagion can lead to burnout, especially in high-stress environments.
Managing Emotional Contagion
Here are some strategies:
Mindfulness
Practising mindfulness can help you become more aware of your emotional state and prevent negative emotions from taking over.
Positive Social Interactions
Surround yourself with positive, supportive people who uplift your mood.
Emotional Boundaries
Establish boundaries to protect yourself from absorbing negative emotions, especially in high-stress environments. This is as important in a relationship (distancing yourself when your partner needs space to manage their emotions) or at work (you cannot be creative in an environment filled with negativity or relentlessly receive unproductive criticism).
Self-Care
Engage in activities that promote relaxation and well-being, such as exercise, meditation, and hobbies.
Professional Support
Seek support from mental health professionals if you find it challenging to manage the impact of emotional contagion.
Tips for Choosing Love Daily
Show Gratitude Regularly
Practising gratitude can significantly enhance your relationship. Acknowledge the small things your partner does and express appreciation to boost their morale and strengthen your bond.
Express Affection Consistently
Physical touch, thoughtful gestures, and words of affirmation can keep the spark alive. Even small actions, like leaving a note or preparing a favourite meal, can make a big difference.
Appreciate Your Partner's Qualities
Focus on what makes your partner unique and special. Compliment their strengths and acknowledge their efforts, thus developing a positive and supportive environment.
Prioritise Self-Care
Taking care of yourself is essential for a healthy relationship. Engage in activities that promote your well-being, such as regular exercise, a balanced diet, and mindfulness practices (leading by example), which sets a positive example for your partner.
What Has Love Got to Do with Mental Health?
The answer is simple: We often hear “How can we love somebody else, if we don’t love ourselves first?”
This is very pertinent when we approach trauma and people unable to balance their emotions, finding it difficult not to be so harsh on themselves, even to the point of self-hatred and/or self-harm.
So, if love is a choice we make every day, wouldn't it be as easy to decide to be happy?
This could start with gratefulness and mindfulness.
Understanding Gratefulness and Mindfulness
Gratefulness is the quality of being thankful and appreciating what you have. It’s about recognizing the positive aspects of life and expressing gratitude for them.
Mindfulness is being fully present and engaged in the moment, aware of your thoughts and feelings without distraction or judgment. It involves paying attention to the present experience with openness and curiosity.
Why Are They Essential for Mental Health and Overall Health?
Gratefulness and mindfulness are essential for mental health and overall well-being for several reasons:
Reducing Stress and Anxiety
Practising gratefulness and mindfulness can significantly reduce stress and anxiety. By focusing on the positive and staying present, you can mitigate the effects of stressors and promote a sense of calm and peace.
Enhancing Emotional Regulation
Mindfulness helps you become more aware of your emotions and how to manage them effectively. This can lead to better emotional regulation and a more balanced emotional state.
Improving Relationships
Both practices encourage a positive outlook and empathy, which can improve your relationships. Being grateful for your partner and mindful of their needs can strengthen your bond and improve communication.
Boosting Mental Resilience
Gratefulness fosters a positive mindset to help you bounce back from challenges more easily. Mindfulness equips you with tools to handle difficult emotions and situations, becoming more resilient.
Promoting Physical Health
Research has shown that gratefulness and mindfulness positively impact your physical health. They can lower blood pressure, improve sleep quality, and enhance overall physical well-being.
Incorporating gratefulness and mindfulness into your daily life can lead to a happier, healthier, and more fulfilling life. By choosing love and practising these principles, you can create a strong foundation for lasting relationships and personal well-being.
Tip
Before helping others, place the mask over your head and breathe normally. This is a complete part of safety when travelling by air.
How does this relate to loving others?
We are made of energy and emanate energy, either positive or negative. People (as we do) can sense that energy. When we are unhappy or upset, it is easy to “feel” it.
So loving ourselves first is key to long-lasting relationships. In the same way, you practice mindfulness and gratefulness, you start by changing your mindset. You need to actively want to appreciate things for it to become a habit.
By learning to love yourself a little more each day, you can develop the muscles in your mind to love other things and others, until you radiate love and positive vibes.
Loving yourself is not an easy task when you have spent most of your life hating yourself. There are many tips and solutions, but it starts with being authentic and living according to core values and beliefs.
How to do this?
Conclusion
Love is not just a fleeting emotion driven by hormones; it is a conscious choice that requires daily effort and mindful actions. By practising gratitude, mindfulness, and self-care, you can cultivate a strong, enduring relationship that positively impacts your mental and emotional well-being. Remember, love is a verb, and the actions you take each day shape the strength and longevity of your bond.
Embrace the journey of choosing love every day… Especially yourself.
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